The Perfect Date

Originally published for The Herd Brand, February 2018If you had to describe the perfect date, what would you say, dinner and a movie? A long walk on the beach? A night out on the town?I used to think the perfect date would include slow dancing in the back of the pickup out in the middle of nowhere, under the stars to the local country radio station.But let’s get real. Life is messy! Especially when you are part of the agriculture community. Sometimes our best laid plans get up-ended by kids, livestock, or the weather. Getting to town for a “date” is a rare. Actually, getting dressed up to eat a nice meal together is often reserved for those weekends spent out of town at a bull sale or ag conference. Which is fine, but it doesn’t happen near enough!So, if being a rancher’s girl means not getting to wear a little black dress every Saturday night at the nearest dance club, how does one keep the romance alive when married to a cowboy? How does a girl keep from getting the blues while her man is tending to the cows, the fences and the tractors more than tending to her? There has to be a secret, right?Well, let me say this- the only secret I have found in fourteen years of life together with a cowboyin’-ranchin’- truck drivin’ man- is that you have to have a sense of humor about everything. Also, you have to lower your expectations when it comes to defining “the perfect date”.Some of the best dates my husband and I ever had were the ones we didn’t plan. (Also, I am not sure if these truly qualify as “dates”, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.) For example, I have learned that if he asks me to help him take mineral out to the cows, not to turn him down. Especially if it is a hot summer afternoon, and he has a cooler filled with a few of our favorite brews. Many world problems have been discussed and solved between my husband and I while touring the countryside in the side-by-side checking the cows. Not much beats beer, cows, and my favorite guy on a nice summer day.Many of our “dates” certainly didn’t seem like dates at the time. For instance, the time we had to walk home several miles through a rainstorm after he ran my dad’s semi out of fuel and divorce seemed like a seriously legitimate end to all his nonsense. Looking back on it now, we laugh and realize we have some great stories to tell our kids. Anger has often been my “go- to” reaction in many of such occasions, where I have wanted to shove his sorry carcass into the ditch more than once. I always restrain myself, reminding myself that “someday, you are gonna laugh about this!”Living on a ranch, with a self-employed husband, leaves no shortage of opportunities for plans to get waylaid. Cattle always know when you have plans and they are really good at screwing them up. Not to mention that nothing can be planned during calving season, branding season, haying, spraying, fall work, or winter. Equipment breakdowns, meal runs, and even having him gone on the road tends to put a damper on the number of open evenings that could be spent off the ranch. Even so, I have learned that just spending time together either on horseback, in the feed wagon, or pulling his truck down the highway with my car while he is on the other end of the phone is the recipe to a successful and happy relationship. Laughing at the tough stuff helps. Shit happens to everyone, and rarely are breakdowns or broken fences his idea of a good time either.Ladies, if you are worried that your guy won’t be able to pull off the fabulous Valentine’s gift or you know that your man wouldn’t know when the big V-day is if it showed up on his doorstep dressed in bacon, I suggest you don’t take it too personally. I’m guessing, that if you lower your standards when it comes to dreaming of the perfect date, and say yes the next time he asks you to check calves or feed cows with him, you might just find that you won’t miss those fancy date nights out on the town. Just don’t forget to laugh when things go awry… as they very likely will! At least you’ll have great stories to tell the kids someday.Wishing you all a happy Valentine’s Day, even if the only gift you get is a big paper heart from your kids and a grunt from your cowboy as he heads out the door. After all, he probably has some new calves or a frozen water tank to tend to which means you might just have a date on Valentine’s Day after all!!With love,Richelle